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HOW BEST TO INTRODUCE
YOURSELF AND MAKE A STRONG FIRST IMPRESSION?
Table of Content
Welcome to my column in Action English!
My name is Casey Lum, or Lin Wenkang in Mandarin. But you can address me by Casey, because all my friends and most of my students in the United States call me that. If you are curious about my professional background, please feel free to click on the icon for my resume. Either way, I think it is fitting that I tell you a little bit more about myself (than the things listed in my resume) before getting to the rest of this column. After all, we will discuss in the next several sections some issues about self-introduction.
In addition, I will also tell you something about my role in Action English and how you may relate what I am sharing with you in Casey's Column and my essay on "Using Action English Interculturally" to the rest of this unique program's content.
Self-Introduction
I was raised in Hong Kong through my college years before coming to New York City early in the 1980s where I earned my two graduate degrees. I still live in New York. Indeed, I am chatting with you in Action English from the Big Apple (New York City's "nickname"). Among other professional works, I am a university professor teaching communication and media studies. My areas of teaching and research include intercultural communication, media ecology, international media, and Chinese/American media and culture.
While I have been in New York in the past two decades, I am not a stranger to Taiwan. I have been to Taiwan many times since my teenage years and I have a lot of friends and relatives in Taiwan. Moreover, I brought some of my American students to Taiwan on two special study tours in the past two summers. For example, I took some 20 American students to Taiwan this summer and we spent seven very special and happy days in Taipei (June 2000)! I am planning to bring another group of American students to Taiwan again next summer; maybe we can meet up then.
I should also tell you the fact that, by coincident, I have five Taiwanese students in one of my current graduate seminars in New York. One of them turns out to be a 1997 graduate in journalism from the Chinese Culture University! The world is pretty small for us, isn't it?
Perhaps more important to highlight in this context is the fact that, like you, English is my second language. When I came to New York almost 20 years ago, I was pretty much a stranger to this city. True, I watched a lot of American movies and thought I knew a thing or two about the US before settling down in this town. But having to speak and write English everyday, or think and even dream "in" English, was an entirely new experience to me.
Like many speakers of English as a second language, I started out "translating" my Chinese thoughts into English when I spoke with my American friends or professors. It was a very funny feeling because I could almost see the Chinese words running across my mind's "screen" while I was "translating." It was also quite frustrating at times because you simply cannot "translate" certain expressions or ideas in Chinese into English. Likewise, you do not always have enough time to do so during a real-time conversation either.
My Role in Action English
I serve three functions in this Action English program.
First, I will give you an overview of a field of academic and professional study that has come to be known as "intercultural communication." This overview is entitled "Using Action English Interculturally" and is accessible when you click on the related icon here and elsewhere in this site. This overview essay is meant to give you a conceptual framework to help you better understand and use the English expressions and other related information you acquire in this program, such as from the many fascinating conversations between Lisa and her guests, as well as from those extremely useful study and self-test materials Christina provided for us. In short, please allow me to encourage you to go to this essay as soon as you can for an important conceptual overview of how to use your Action English interculturally.
Second, I will offer you a weekly column. In each column, I will address some important issues and study or practice guides relating to the topic you are studying for the corresponding week. The focus of the column is not on the specific mechanics of how to use or pronounce this or that word or expression. The specific study content and its various audio and visual aids can do that for and with you. Instead, my contribution in the column is two-fold: 1) I seek to give you a synthesis as to how best you can contextualize the materials you learn elsewhere in the program; 2) I also attempt to give you specific guidelines for using what you have learned in the related unit of study.
Last, but not least, I will help you with some of the toughest questions you might have during the course of your study in our program. This is how my role in this area may help you. Our program has a special facilitator at Chinese Culture University's School of Continuing Education. This facilitator's contact information will be given to you from our advisor. Our facilitator is an expert in the use of English and therefore he or she will address most of your questions on a weekly basis. But she will summarize some of your larger questions relating to using Action English as intercultural communication and forward them to me. I'll then address these questions or issues for you.
In the following sections, I will discuss with you several ideas about how you may best prepare and introduce yourself to make a strong impression with and in your Action English.
Knowing the What and Who
To begin with, it is important that you know the nature of the communication setting you are going into. For example, if you are going to a business luncheon, be very clear about its agenda and your specific role in it. That is to say, make sure you know when, where, and what you are expected to do in this communication setting.
The above is the kind of "homework" you ought to do to cover your basis. Otherwise, you will appear, or to give off an impression, to people that you are not prepared for this occasion and, worse, you are not even sincere or serious about yourself and what everyone else is doing there.
What is equally important for you to know is who will be in this communication setting. Your superiors, equals, or subordinates? Or, in the social context, a new foreign friend? And so on. More specifically, you want to know any specifics you can find out about your communication partners, such as what they like or dislike.
Of course, we cannot possibly find out too much about our communication partners, particularly when they are new friends or business colleagues. But my point is that you have to be very conscious about building up an understanding of the foreigners with whom you are going to have a professional, social, or personal relationship.
While you may not have all the information about this or that particular foreign colleague, try your best to fill in the blanks over time. The more you know about the person, the better off you will be in nurturing a good relationship. This is one way to conceptualize this practice: You can "build a file" on every new friends or colleague you intend to maintain a good or long-term relationship with.
In addition to business or work-related information on this person, for example, what is the name of this person's spouse, children, or significant other? What does this person like to eat or hate to even come close to? What kind of music or politics this person is into? What turns this person off? I am sure you get the picture now.
The above questions are the kind of questions we listed on the screen after Lisa's chat with Brian in one of the segments of our first two TV programs. If necessary, literally write the information down somewhere that you can refer back to next time you are going to see the person again. Let me give you a real-life example:
One of the classmates in my Ph.D. program at New York University is a corporate (public relations) trainer for a very huge multinational telecommunications corporation. To my delightful surprise, he was able to remember everyone's name the second time we met in class and some of the personal details we talked about during our first-week self introduction! How did he do it? I later found out that he took notes (in his notebook) on everyone of us since the first meeting at school. By the same token, your foreign friends will be very impressed with you if you remember certain things about them.
Simple English Is Good English
Now, you are ready to go to the occasion where you will introduce yourself to some new foreign friends. But you are not sure if your English is "good" enough! And you are getting anxious about it.
Well, guess what? One of the most important principles you should bear in mind is in fact "simple English is good English." Please remember this, when we speak among ourselves in Mandarin, we often do not use obscure or highly articulated expressions or phrases. Instead, we always speak in simply terms. The fact of the matter is, we should use ordinary language in ordinary everyday life. The simpler the language we use, the better and easier people can understand us.
Apply this principle to using your Action English at all times. Please do not feel that you should memorize a whole arsenal of complex expressions while thinking that you could impress your foreign friends with your knowledge of complex (or "sophisticated") expressions. True, they may impress others once in a while. But under normal circumstance, the simpler the English you use, the clearer you can communicate your ideas to your foreign friends and therefore the better impression you can impart upon them. Otherwise, you may end up spending a lot of your energy memorizing special expressions while appearing to people you are reciting these expressions from your mind's "dictionary" and that you are not really "speaking with them."
Do not ever feel bad if you forget a particular word, phrase, or expression in English when conversing with native English speakers. Similar to speaking in Mandarin, there are many ways to say the same thing in English. So if you should have forgotten a word, phrase, or expression in English, find other (and simpler) words to communicate your idea.
Don't Be Shy About Your English
It is awfully important that you should not feel shy about your ability in speaking English. We all have to start somewhere with everything in life, including language acquisition. It takes time for people, especially adults, to acquire a foreign language. Your mind and tongue need time to learn to speak English. So be very patient with yourself.
I think I should share with you my own personal experience in this regard. I still remember that February day in 1982 when I attended my first graduate seminar at the New School University. I was asked to introduce myself to the class. While I was very nervous but I managed to oblige. But that was pretty much the only thing I said in that seminar throughout the semester. I was quite intimidated by speaking before all these English-speaking "natives." But I nonetheless maintained an open mind, kept my head high, asked my classmates and professors to correct my mistakes, and worked on my mistakes ever since that very first day.
Well, five years after that day, in 1987, my professor in that seminar invited me to go back to co-teach that seminar with him, that is, in English and before all these English-speaking "natives." Of course, I still was very nervous then and my English was nowhere near perfect, but I was never shy about it either. And, I am still asking my colleagues and students to correct my mistakes. You should never stop learning, and you should never feel shy about your ability while you are learning.
Don't Rush Yourself In The Beginning
If at all possible, do not get "personal" with your new foreign acquaintances too soon. Good and solid relationship, particularly with people from cultures other than your own, takes a great deal of time and effort. Like language acquisition, be very patient with making friends with foreigners. I know this is kind of "cruel" to even mention, but the fact of the matter is most of the foreigners you meet in Taiwan will not stay in Taiwan for too long. Most if not all of them come and go. So do not expect too much right at the beginning of your interaction. Act as natural with your new foreign acquaintances as you would act with your new local acquaintances, who may also "come and go."
Always listen carefully to what they say and detect the non-communication they give you if or to what extent they are receptive to opening up their personal life to you. Some people like to open themselves up to people early on in their acquaintance with others. This is what is known as "self disclosure" in interpersonal communication scholarship. It is generally believed that people in the West are more likely to disclose themselves (e.g., personal aspects) than people in the East. But do not count on this highly generalized theory too much. Many people in the West are just as reserved as many of us in the East.
Of course, whether or not or the extent to which you want to open up yourself depends entirely on your own choosing. I am not suggesting that you should be "up-tight" in your interaction with foreigners in the beginning. All I am saying is that you should be conscious about this aspect. Besides, some people, including some of your foreign friends from the West, may not necessarily feel comfortable sharing your personal matters in the beginning of their relationship with you.
Show Some Cultural Knowledge
It is important that you know something about the culture and history of your foreign friend's country. People appreciate your knowledge about their country. You do not need to know everything, because that is quite difficult or even impossible to do. But it is a good thing that you know certain important historical events and current affairs of your foreign friend's country.
For example, you will impress your American friends if you can say a few things about the current presidential election (such as who the candidates are, some of their beliefs, who win the election, etc.). Similarly, you may also be quite impressed if your foreign friends know how a former opposition leader won the presidency through a truly democratic electorial process in Taiwan and, even better, they know not only the proper title of President Chen but also the endearing nickname of "Ah Bian"!
More over, it is also a good thing that you know pop culture matters, such as the latest TV sitcoms, bands, or even fashion trends, especially when you deal with foreign friends of relative young age. Some knowledge or appreciation of Western classical music can never hurt you either.
In short, you will give your new foreign acquaintances a very strong first impression if you can converse with them about a few things regarding their culture or things of this nature.
Your Foreign Friends Are Your Partners
Your foreign friends understand very clearly that you are speaking their language partly because you respect them and, more likely than not, because they cannot speak your own language, such as Mandarin, Taiwanese, or any other Chinese dialect. They appreciate what you are doing for them and you should feel very proud of yourself for making the effort to accommodate them.
There is another point to remember here. Your foreign friends ought to be your partners in your communication. They should work as hard as you do in your initial interaction and in maintaining the ensuring friendship. In other words, you should not take all the responsibilities on your should. Your new foreign acquaintances also need to work hard to earn your respect and friendship.
Practice, Practice, Practice！
Finally for now, be persistent in your study of Action English.
We have a "legend" or "moral story" in New York that goes like this: A tourist to the Big Apple was lost and asked a passer-by, "How do I get to Broadway (as in the name of a very long street in Manhattan)? The passer-by's advice was, "Practice, practice, and practice" (as in having to perfect one's skills before one can perform on Broadway, the theater district in midtown Manhattan).
I believe in creativity and spontaneity in human interaction, because it allows our genuine self to shine through even the thickest of social convention and pretension. But in matters regarding mastering a foreign language, persistence in studying and practicing will no doubt help a great deal.
In short, I think we have discussed enough suggestions in this column for you to start or to continue with your own good work. So I guess I should just leave you with the above for now.
Note: You may click on "Managing Sexual Harassment" for a brief discussion on this subject Casey has prepared for you. This subject was mentioned in Lisa's TV conversation with Brian.
Casey's Column 1: Appendix
Managing Sexual Harassment
In her program with Brian, Lisa raised the issue of how we may handle sexual harassment. It is an extremely difficult and complex issue to deal with in either a TV program or a column such as this. But it is nonetheless an important issue to address. Here, let me share with you a few pointers to start your thinking and I hope they can help you somewhat.
We understand that sexual harassment can happen between people of the opposite gender or between people of the same gender. It is also generally understood that real or self-proclaimed victims of sexual harassment have tended to be predominantly female and the real or perceived aggressors in such a situation have tended to be male. But I think everyone of us has to be careful about such a matter, regardless of our gender or sexual preference.
More over, I think it is as important for us to know how to avoid allowing any form of sexual harassment to materialize itself as for us to know how to handle it when it does occur. As you know, on the cross-cultural level, inter-gender relations and sexual norms in the West are comparatively and generally different from those in Chinese society. Of course, we cannot generalize to think that all men and women in the West think and behave the same way in such matters. (The same principle applies to people in Chinese society by and large.) It is safe to say that they all have their own individual attitude, expectation, style of expression, and behavior in gender relations or sexual matters.
However, we should also be clear that not all of the people in the West have actual or extensive experience with Asians or, more specifically, Chinese. So the question is, where and how do these people know about Asians or Chinese before they actually have the chance to come into real contact with the latter?
For better or for worse, the mass media have been playing a major role in introducing the "others," such as Asians or Chinese, to people in the West including those in the US. The better part of this is that they know something about Asians or Chinese. But the worse part of this is that the portrayal of Asians or Chinese in American mass media is not always accurate. In fact, American mass media's representation of Asian or Chinese has always been distorted. The silly detective image you see in Charlie Chan, the evil representation of Fu Manchu, and the subservient "sex kitten" of Suzie Wong are just a few of the many examples in this category.
Now, let me emphasize once again that I am NOT suggesting that all Americans or foreigners are sex-crazed and they all view Chinese women as "Suzie Wong" or things of this nature. In fact, most if not all of my many American friends are just like many of us; they are very respectful of people from cultures other than their own and they do not have any unrealistic expectation of them.
But I think we owe it to ourselves to be conscious of the fact that the image of Chinese men and women as a people has been grossly distorted in the mass media outside of the Chinese-speaking world. We should be conscious about the negative impact of the distortion on foreigners' impression and expectation of the Chinese. I believe most, if not all, of the foreigners you come into contact with have some knowledge of Chinese culture and people. Nonetheless, we should not be too surprised to run into a few foreign acquaintances who may have in their own mind some unrealistic image or expectation of Chinese women or men.
With the above in mind, if your intention is simply to establish a social friendship (say, as opposed to a romantic or sexual one), make it clear from the start and along the way. Of course, it is bad form to say it out loud to your new friends ("Don't come close to me. I'm not interested.") Instead, act toward them as you would act toward any other of your own local friends or new acquaintance in Taiwan.
But pay attention to what they say and be conscious about their non-verbal behavior, just as you should pay attention to what you say to them and how you present to them non-verbally, including the jokes being told and the clothes you wear. Be very careful with off-colored jokes; people like to use these jokes to test how far they can go with you.
While you are entitled to the freedom to wear whatever pleases you, wear what is considered socially acceptable attire in the specific social context; anything beyond that point may suggest or "give off" to people some impression that you may not even know.
Pay attention to people's body movement and the distance they maintain with you; the closer they get to you in distance, the more intimate they get to you in your personal space. Ask yourself if the extent of physical contact your communication partner establish with you, such as the place and duration of the contact or a touch, is the kind of physical contact you feel comfortable with.
It is also reasonable to think that you should avoid any appointment involving a lot of alcoholic consumption and or one that would extend well into the night.
In any event, one of the most important principles to remember is this: Clearly tell your communication partner that certain behavior on his or her part should stop immediately if and when you feel it is making you uncomfortable. Generally, if you make your request in a clear and firm voice, coupled with a good steady eye contact (stare), your communication partner should get the signal. He or she should then stop doing to you that is making you feel uncomfortable. But if the disturbing behavior persists, you should simply and politely excuse yourself ("I'm sorry. I don't feel comfortable with what you are doing.") and walk out of the situation. As you may recall, this is something Brian also suggested in Lisa's program.
Although this is not a column on corporate sexual harassment policy, please allow me to add that you should review if your company has a policy and guidelines on matters regarding to sexual harassment. You have much better protection from sexual harassment if your company has related policy and enforcement guidelines. In any event, if you have enough evidence to convince yourself that someone is sexually harassing you, either according to the definition of your company's policy or by your own judgement, make sure you communicate it to the offender immediately.
Note that there is always the possibility of misunderstanding between you and your communication partner. So, as is suggested above, clearly express your feeling and concern to the other party so he or she is fully aware of your sentiment and objection. If the behavior stops after your clarification or protest, and it does not repeat itself, then you may consider dropping the matter according to your own discretion. But if the behavior persists, you should act firmly, unambiguously, and swiftly. Report the incident in a timely manner to the people in the company responsible for such matters while collecting and saving what you consider as evidence; you will need firm evidence to support your case.
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