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MANAGING PERSONAL PUBLIC
RELATIONS
Table of Content
Introduction
In this Column, I would like to share with you several ideas about managing your personal public relations with foreign friends and colleagues.
Impression Management
In his 1959 book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, the American sociologist Erving Goffman used the term "impression management" to conceptualize how people handle themselves in diverse social settings. Impression management is an important concept to know because it highlights several key points about how we may manage our personal public relations. The word "management" in this context implies several key ideas:
First, management suggests a pre-determined goal or set of goals. That is, what kind of impression do you want to present to or impart upon your communication partners (e.g., your foreign friends or colleagues at work)?
Second, it demands a set of methods or procedure whereby the goal can be achieved. In other words, how do you present yourself? What may you need to do to achieve your goal? This point, of course, also implies the "timing" of your execution. For example, when do you begin to reveal more about your personal life to new foreign acquaintances?
Third, it calls for a way to assess the actual outcome of your presentation. Put slightly differently, how do you know your communication partners receive you the way you want them to?
Fourth, the word management in this context also relates to how we can improve upon our past experience and performance.
In other words, from the point of view of impression management, maintaining personal public relations requires some careful thinking, planning, preparation, execution, reflection, and modification over time.
To Give or Give Off an Impression
There are two additional concepts that I think you can use for your impression management. They are "to give an impression" and "to give off an impression."
The expression "to give an impression" implies a conscious intention on the part of the person involved. That is to say, the person intentionally construct and give people an impression. For example, you put on formal business attires for a business lunch appointment because you want to appear to be a professional business person before your counterparts. Or, you deliberately refrain from using any vulgarity in your speech and keep a mild manner to impart an impression of your cultivated civility on your communication partners.
On the other hand, "to give OFF an impression" suggests that the person is not conscious about the fact that an unintended impression has been exhibited to or received by one's communication partners. For example, your foreign boss asks you if you can complete a project on time. You verbally say "yes" but your tone of voice sounds iffy, that is, the voice in which you say "yes" is not firm or decisive. So even as you want your boss to believe you can be trusted with the project, your iffy tone of voice GIVES OFF an impression that you may not be competent in doing the job on time even though that may not be the case.
In short, the point to remember is that it takes careful thinking and execution for us to manage a good impression before others. But, you may ask, how do we do this? I will lay out some ideas in the following sections for your consideration.
Framing Your Image
Now, turn the camera onto yourself and ask yourself the question: What impression do I want to construct and impart upon my communication partners? For example, do you want to appear to this person or that person as purely a business professional or someone who is good at doing business but has a taste for good fun--someone that people would love to hang out with after work? Or, do you want your new foreign friend to have the impression that you are a fun-loving person and you like to explore new things while you want him or her to not mess around with your own personal life?
By and large, these are questions only you and you alone can address adequately or realistically. Of course, there are zillions of self-image, impression, or public persona you can imagine and may come up with. So I will leave it to you to address these issues.
What is important to know in framing your public persona is that you have to be absolutely clear about when to draw the line between the business or professional and the social or personal. Many people in the world work with the same office mates for years and do so very productively while they do not have any real social contact outside after work. Some people mix the professional and the social in a variety of ways. Of course, it generally helps our professional development if we can also interact with our foreign business peers on the social level.
But this is not something new to us; we know that personal relationship helps business and work to varying degrees, and vice versa. So the key point to remember in framing your public persona or image is not whether you should mix the professional with the social. The issue is about (1) how far you want to mix the two or cross the line; (2) under what condition or how you want such a cross-over to take place; and (3) based upon what timing you want to make the move.
In short, think carefully about what impression, image, or public persona you want to project and maintain with your new foreign friends or professional colleagues. Make sure you define for yourself how far you want to go with the relationship in the beginning and at strategic points in the development of this relationship. Without a clear goal, it is hard for you to talk about how you may manage anything with it.
Be Yourself
When you present yourself to your foreign friends, be yourself or do not forced upon yourself to do things that are not true to yourself. The short version of this point is that you should be as much of yourself as you possibly can. Do not try to create an image or impart an impression upon others that does not coincide with your inner self. It really makes no sense for us to put up a false front. Insincerity and falsity can speak very loudly to people even as we try to hide it. Sincerity and authenticity are the pillars for building good solid intercultural relations.
On an even more practical level, you will find it much easier to communicate your ideas, thoughts, and feelings to others when you are indeed talking about things that are true to yourself. That is to say, you do not have to make anything up to say. Making up things that are not familiar to yourself is always a difficult thing to do especially when you have to do it in a second language. After all, our concern here is how to introduce or present "YOUR self" to your new (foreign) friends.
Let People Know You
One of the key objectives in managing personal public relations is the perpetuation of positive and long-lasting friendships or relationships. Again, this is a give-and-take process. But the key point here is that, almost inevitably, all the partners engaged in the relationship have to know more and more about each other if they want to relationship to grow.
Of course, timing is important in this regard. As I said in my first column, you certainly do not and should not rush yourself in the beginning of the relationship. But over time, as you sense that your (foreign) acquaintances are gradually opening themselves up to you, you may consider opening yourself a bit more to them for as long as you feel comfortable doing so. Again, you are the only judge to determine how far you want to disclose yourself to your acquaintance as part of your personal public relations. The point is, if you want to have a deeper relationship with your acquaintance, you will have to give more.
Be Positive
I concur with Professor Yu's wisdom that we should always maintain a positive attitude or outlook when interacting with our new acquaintances, foreign or local. A positive outlook on things in general is among the first and most essential building blocks of a good and solid public persona. Your positive outlook will carry over everything you say and do before others and it will always help you create and maintain a positive image.
Be generous with your praise of others. ("Oh, he is a very nice guy." "It's such a joy to work with her.") Such praises, if genuine, always indicate to your listeners that you maintain a good and positive relationship with others.
Do not hold any stereotypical view of foreigners, as Professor Yu has also wisely advised. Of course, this is not an easy thing to do particularly if the view is "stereotypical," that is, a view that we have already taken as "real." But even though it is very difficult for us to break out of our pre-conception or stereotypical view of others, I think it can be done.
For example, if you have not had many direct or sustained interaction with foreigners, be very aware of and critical about the source from which you get your information, view, or opinion about those foreigners. In particular, be very weary if you get our picture or understanding of certain foreigners mostly from the news or entertainment media. It is because what these media present or could present to you are often some narrowly-cast portrayal of "reality," including certain groups of people or foreigners.
I am sure you still remember an example Professor Yu mentioned to Lisa: There was a social issue commercial that shows on one side of the screen a picture of a black person and on the other side of the screen a list of crimes that have been committed. The viewer in Professor Yu's example wondered out loud how the black person could have committed so many crimes. But at the of the commercial, a caption came on to say that the list of crimes were in fact solved by the black person on the other side of the screen who turned out to be a police detective!
I think that was a great example of how stereotypes can impact upon our interaction with foreigners. So always maintain a belief that every individual is different from others. Never jump to any conclusion about anyone unless you have ample evidence to do so.
Be Consistent
An old Chinese folk proverb goes like this: "It's difficult to start a business; it's even more difficult to hold on to it." Well, like it or not, this principle also applies to your personal public relations or impression management. That is to say, while it is difficult to nurture a good public image or impression, it is even more difficult to maintain this good public image or impression.
The key to successful personal public relations and image management is consistence over time. You do not want to contradict yourself in how you relate to others and the things you say. You certainly do not want to five off an impression to your communication partners that you flip-flop in what you believe in or what you actually like.
Good Communication Is The Key
The key to all of the above issues is a matter of good communication. For this reason, it is essential that you know the intention of your communication partners, for example, if and to what extent they want to also become more social with you.
But you want to start the process slowly and gently. You do not want to appear to be aggressive or too anxious. After a few interactions, for example, drop a hint to them in a casual way to see if they may also want to hang out with you in a less formal environment ("Care for a quick bite after the meeting? I know a good place in the neighborhood.")
Always start with something the person can commit to easily. A light lunch, as I suggest above, is a good setting to get some feedback from your peers if they are also receptive to having some social interaction with you. It is a nice and easy social activity to start with because it is not a difficult commitment to make. People eat lunch anyway. The fact that there are many people in the restaurant and you will return to the office after lunch provides a safe cushion for your "experiment."
Take my word for it, if your foreign colleagues enjoy your company, sooner or later they will ask you if you would like to get together again and perhaps on occasions other than lunch.
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